“Dance if you want before the Lord Jehovah.  Sing his praises with an abandoned joy.  Be merry in his presence and clap your hands.  Let your guitars sound their melodies and your castanets their rhythm. Stomp your feet and sway your body.

“But remember you are in the presence of the Most High God. He gives you breath.  He holds your pulsing heart between his fingers.  His rage against evil will never cease.  It does not harm you because in your case it is assuaged by the blood of his only Son.  And for his sake he welcomes you with love.  Let your rejoicing then be with reverence and with godly fear.” -John White, Daring to Draw Near

In the passage from Dr. White’s book above, he is writing about when the ark of the covenant made its way back from the Philistines to Israel (2 Samuel 6).  Dagon, the Philistine God bowed before it, many Israelites died because they did not treat the ark with the appropriate reverence that God had commanded.

We are commanded to approach God with fear and trembling but also with boldness and confidence (Philippians 2:12, Ephesians 4:12, Hebrews 4:16).   Rejoicing and reverence are not opposites but meant to be experienced together in worshiping and coming before God.


listening to klove driving home today (great cross-country driving game btw – finding the next klove station as you pass out of a klove broadcast area), they read 2 Corinthians 5:17 – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

They followed with “You Are More” by Tenth Avenue North.

Not sure if it was intentional or not but the themes just fit really well together, of being not merely refreshed or cleaned up when we become followers of Christ but being completely remade anew with a new heart – Christ’s heart.

“I have been crucified with Christ . It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And hte life I now live i nthe flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

“…put off the old self with its practices…put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” (Colossians 3:9-10)


“For I know my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth.”


“…by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation…” -Revelation 5:9

Cry In My Heart – Cover

great cover of one of my favorite songs.

2 weeks in

Two weeks in to intern year.  My one day off this week, and I should be reading up on pneumonia or delirium or anything really.  But I find no energy to do so.  I really just want to sleep.  Eat.  Sleep more.  Stare out my window at the sky.  Anything not related to medicine or patient care.

It’s not that I don’t care about my patients.  Almost every day, after changing over to the on-call intern (telling them about my patients so they can take care of them while I go home), I’m freaking out as I drive home, wondering, “What on earth have I done today…!?  Did I make the right assessment?  Did I write for the correct medications?…”  I’m just relieved when I return the next morning to see that they are still alive.

I think I avoid doing anything related to medicine on my day off because of the fear and anxiety it causes me to be confronted with such a vast amount of information I maybe learned at some point (or maybe not).  That feeling of incompetence is always lurking.  It’s the tugging in opposite directions of the feeling that I should have lots of medical knowledge with the realization that I’ve been a physician for 2 weeks and I really don’t know anything.  I feel like I’m letting people down, the attending physicians, the senior residents, myself, and most importantly, the patients.

I’m guessing I will look back in 3 years and laugh at how overwhelmed I feel now, but it feels like such a big gap between here and there.

grace and training

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age…” –Titus 2:11-12

Noticed that Paul uses the word “training” here, which he’s used several times in 1-2 Timothy:

“All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable…for training in righteousness…” –2 Tim 3:16

“Rather, train yourself for godliness.” –1 Tim 4:7

“…trained in the words of the faith and of the good doctrine that you have followed.” –1 Tim 4:6

God’s grace is not only given for the forgiveness of sins but for learning to be holy and Christ-like here while we live on earth.  Becoming Christ-like in my thoughts and actions requires training.  That is, both of my own initiative (“Train yourself…”) and God’s doing through His grace (“For the grace of God has appeared…training us…”).  What must I do on my end, and what do I trust to God’s grace for me?


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